The Sex Myth Buster

10th July 2015
Short notes on EI – Emotional Intelligence
10th July 2015
Kwambie and the Sex Myth Buster
10th July 2015

Kwambie: Today we welcome to the studio, a close friend and sex expert also known as Dr. Love a.k.a the ‘Sex Myth Buster’. He took time out of his busy schedule to join us in the studio to demystify several myths that we may have regarding our sex lives and bury them for good. Hopefully by the end of this discussion we should  have some  true  facts at our fingertips regarding Sex. Welcome to the studio Dr. Love.

Dr. Love: Thank you for welcoming me to share with the audience of ‘Wacha niKwambie Uzima’, always a pleasure catching up with you Kwambie. Looking lovely as always and sexy in your nerdy style  specs.

Kwambie: Thank you, Dr. Love, you are too kind.. (as Kwambie, turns a shade redder and blushes). Allow me to begin by making some observations regarding sex especially within the African context. To be honest, many men and indeed women complain of being unfulfilled in their bedrooms despite having tried their level best. Intimacy, many complain is a foreign concept, with many having relegated sex to procreation, yet recent studies now show that a healthy sexual life is key for emotional and physiological wellness.

Dr. Love: Absolutely Kwambie, for us to live fulfilling lives, for those of us who are sexually active, we have to ensure that our sexuality is within healthy confines. If done well and at the right context, sex can bring immense feeling of well being. However, this is not a pillar that stands on its own. A healthy sexual life is affected by other aspects of Wellness, If one is stressed for example they are likely to have distortions about their sex lives. This in itself calls for another session with you Kwambie. Today, I beg we remain focussed on the topic at hand – myths regarding sex.

Kwambie: I will go by what it is you say Dr. Love. The ball is really on your court.

Dr. Love: Excellent! One key myth is that the size of a man is the absolute determinant for female happiness and satisfaction. Contrary to popular opinion, women are not attracted to a man’s member as the absolute. Key factors that would make a man attractive to a women is his financial provision, intellect, personality, persona. So hold your horses before you start carrying tape measures to our bedrooms our  dear sisters.

Kwambie: Good to know. Tell me there is this feeling that great sex comes naturally and that there are ladies and gentlemen who are studs in the bedroom. What happens to the rest of us?

Tokeo la picha la quotes on sexual intimacy

Dr. Love: Yet another myth. Everyone can enjoy their sex life if they take the time to discover what satisfies their partner and their partner likewise. Let us be adventurous with different styles and locations so that our sex lives do not become monotonous  especially so when we are in long term relationships. Just like we take the time to learn  what nourishes our body in terms of nutrients, let us also take the time to lose our inhibitions in the bedroom and learn more. Many people think that after a certain age, sex is no longer tenable. Yet another myth.

Kwambie: Are you serious that I can enjoy this aspect of my life, well after my sixties?

Dr. Love: Absolutely, Kwambie. So long as you are keeping physically fit, watching your mental diet and having your annual check up, incorporating nutrients in your diet, I do not see why not. For health and age reasons this may not happen as often as a younger person, but with new medical innovations like lubricants and medication, I do not see why not. Though of course it would be prudent to consult your doctor for any underlying health reasons that may act as an impediment to you enjoying your sex life when you attain a senior age.

Kwambie: Tell me, as women, we have been made to believe that oral sex is safer than vaginal sex. With the risk of pregnancy being reduced is this true?

Dr. Love: Partly true Kwambie. For obvious reasons oral sex will not result in pregnancy but different sexually transmitted diseases can be conveyed through the oral route and this can be specifically traumatic to the patient if safe sex is not being practised. Whatever sexual route your audience decides on, safety is paramount. I repeat again, safety is paramount.

Kwambie: Thank you for that clarification, Dr. Love. I am sure many people will be all the more healthier for that clarification.

Dr. Love:  Yet  another myth is that men are always ready for sex. There is this feeling that a man’s body is just like a switch; all that a woman needs to do is press the button, undress and voila! Well this is not true Kwambie. This is where I urge women to go easy on their men…if a man  is facing immense financial, emotional, physical stress it may impend his performance in the bedroom. Non performance may not really have to do with your level of attractiveness to your mate as a woman. Other aspects of his wellness will affect your man’s sexual health. Hey, but do not misquote me. Dr. Love  did not say that women should let themselves go… on the contrary women should strive to ensure that they  remain sexually attractive to their partners.’Mwanamke ni effort’ (Translation: A women must put in effort) as you always, say Kwambie.

Kwambie: Wow, allow me to jot down a few notes of the same for future reference.
(As Kwambie, types away furiously on her tablet).

Dr. Love: Go ahead.

Kwambie:This is quite an eye opener.
(Kwambie takes a quick glance at her watch.)

Time is not on our side. Are there other sex myths that we need to know, Dr. Love?

Dr. Love: Yes, they are several and in no particular order of importance:

Duration of the sexual act is at least thirty minutes – well on average most acts last for around six to eight minutes.
Sex is a daily activity for most couples – well most couples are having it for once or twice a week. With special focus on quality as opposed to frequency.
Men  must always bring women to peak –well this may not always happen. And many women will testify that other prevailing circumstances such as an emotional connection to a man may bring greater satisfaction than to climax par se.
Sexual problems are not only in men, sexual problems cut across both genders with both genders  having cases of libido loss and sexual dysfunction.

Picking  a partner is based solely on sexual performance – there are several factors that make as choose our sexual partners, remember human beings are not solely driven by their sex drives, their intelligence being higher than that of other animals.
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Kwambie and followers of ‘Wacha niKwambie Uzima’, we  have just touched the tip of the ice berg so to speak when it comes to  matters sexual wellness by putting to rest these myths today. There are several other factors that affect our sexual wellness. For example, the differences between ladies and gentlemen regarding physiology, attraction, intimacy issues, factors that affect our sexual drive, how to cope with unresolved sexual tension, STDs that is sexually transmitted diseases, it is a mountain so to speak….

Kwambie: On behalf of our readers would you be willing to carry on with this discussion in weeks to come?  I know Dr. Love you are a busy man.

Dr. Love: I would be more than  willing to carry on with this discussion in the weeks to come.

Kwambie: So there we have it, some common myths on sex that we have put to rest today…calling it a wrap for the week, but the beginning of our Sexual Wellness month dabbed #July2015 -demystifyingsex. And as Dr. Love has so graciously accepted to carry on with the discussion we will carry on next week. Remember the myths are several… as diverse as cultures of humanity itself  but the ones that we discussed today are some that cut across humanity. Have an awesome weekend, and for  the readers in Kenya, we understand the temperatures there  are rather low, keep warm. We hope these  few facts on sex will keep them temperatures rising within the confines of healthy relationships. Keep it tuned to ‘Wacha niKwambie Uzima’.

Thank you for reading.

Kwambie Nyambane
Kwambie Nyambane
Kwambie Nyambane is a Sales Force Effectiveness Manager in a leading bank in Kenya ‘by ', a passionate inspirational blogger 'by night'; and a wellness enthusiast championing healthy lifestyle choices. The founder and lead writer of this blog is a Bsc. Food Science and Post -Harvest Technology graduate of the Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology, Kenya, holds an MBA in Marketing from the University of Nairobi and is currently pursuing a PhD in Business Administration from the University of Nairobi. Kwambie is a member of Bloggers Association of Kenya. She believes in taking life with a big spoon, seeing the cup always as half full, and enjoying the scenery in this journey called life. Kwambie is mother to one beloved son nicknamed "The Champ";, sister to Marci and beloved auntie to the A & Z girls. She and her family make Nairobi City, Kenya their home. This blog is dedicated to her parents Moraa and Nyambane for their awesome inspiration in her formative years, for being her pillar of strength through life, her siblings Marci and Joash, and to her son "The Champ" and her nieces who represent the generation that came after her. May the nuggets contained in this blog serve many generations, the world over to come.

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