One last word on toxic family relationships!

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20th September 2015

One last word on toxic family relationships!

The feeling that parents are predisposed to unconditionally  love and protect their children is not entirely true. A toxic parent is one whose behavior to a great extent inflicts emotional damage which contaminates the child’s sense of self worth, leading to low sense of self esteem and poor self image.
Toxic parents are usually as a result of poor parenting themselves. They are controlling, abusive (physically, emotionally and verbally), issue threats, humiliate their children in front of others, isolate their children, are perennially involved in a  blame game with their children.
The following are signs that you probably have a toxic relationship with your parent:
ü  Afraid of your parents most of the time.
ü  You never seem to do anything right in their eyes.
ü  You feel that you may be losing your mind when you think of your relationship with them.
ü  You feel that you deserve the hurt and pain.
ü  You feel like hurting your parents verbally and physically.
Though verbal and emotional abuse may have no physical scars to a child the scars deep inside can lead to depression and other forms of long term psychological illness.
The good news is that though we cannot change the past we can all strive to be the type of parents that our children deserve.
To earn love, respect and trust from our children we have to rise to the occasion  and be good parents ourselves.
Remember toxic people are people who are hurting and in turn hurt others hence one should never blame oneself for being the victim of a toxic relationship..
Discuss ways to change the relationship, seek counseling and professional help, stay calm and if reconciliation does not work consider the option of keeping toxic parents at arms’ length.
If you suspect that a child that you know is being abused by their parent or guardian seek the help of legal authorities to save the victim child.
Toxic children on the other hand are as a result of poor parenting and end up being toxic adults themselves by being abusive, controlling, manipulative of their parents and in their eyes their parents never seem to be good enough irrespective of what they do. They will perennially blame their  parents for failure in life. Worth noting is that  relatively good parents can plant bad seed.
Sibling rivalry is healthy and normal however when sibling rivalry turns toxic it is referred to as sibling strife.Normally as a result of  favoritism of one child over the others. The victim sibling is then negative and sends out toxic vibes towards their favored sibling.
If you were the favored child try and make amends with your sibling if the victim like Esau in the Bible you can still rise above the ashes and be a successful person despite a negligent childhood.
One last word on toxic family relationships, remember that though you cannot change the people around you and their perceptions towards you, you can change your attitude towards them. Let not a toxic relative, dim your light, kill your dream, reduce you to mediocre fights, you were born to fulfill your purpose go on…carry on fulfill it.

A lovely weekend to all from ‘manzi wa Nai’ (Translation: Nairobi Girl) September 2015.


Kwambie Nyambane
Kwambie Nyambane
Kwambie Nyambane is a Sales Force Effectiveness Manager in a leading bank in Kenya 'by day', a passionate inspirational blogger 'by night'; and a wellness enthusiast championing healthy lifestyle choices. The founder and lead writer of this blog is a Bsc. Food Science and Post -Harvest Technology graduate of the Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology, Kenya, holds an MBA in Marketing from the University of Nairobi and is currently pursuing a PhD in Business Administration from the University of Nairobi. Kwambie is a member of Bloggers Association of Kenya. She believes in taking life with a big spoon, seeing the cup always as half full, and enjoying the scenery in this journey called life. Kwambie is daughter to Lilly Moraa and James Nyambane, mother to one beloved son nicknamed "The Champ"; sister to Marci and beloved auntie to the A & Z girls. She and her family make Nairobi City, Kenya their home. This blog is dedicated to her parents Moraa and Nyambane for their awesome inspiration in her formative years, for being her pillar of strength through life, her siblings Marci and Joash, and to her son "The Champ" and her nieces who represent the generation that came after her. May the nuggets contained in this blog serve many generations, the world over to come.

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