It has been one year since Kwambiemet up with Dr. Love, the fictitious experton matters sexual wellness.Fortunately, she hasremained in contact with this trusted doctorwho has promised to be a lifetime advisor to the blog on matters sexual.Things have since changed and evolved since we last spoke to the dear doctor who would travel from his practice in Australia to share insights with the audience of Wacha niKwambie Uzima in Kenya and he has now opened a localpractice in Uzima towers, off Uzima Highway in Kenya due to the emerging interest in matterssexual wellness of Kenyans. Kwambie was privileged to chat with him and his local assistant Dr. Mrembo Mapenzi, in his office recentlyon matters to do with generating enough time for sex and the not so commonly discussed issue of sexual addictionand the following conversation ensued.
Dr. Love:I cannot believe that it is one year already since we discussed on matters sexual in the cold month of July. How have you been Kwambie?Your family? The Champ? How is he doing?
Kwambie: It has been a roller coaster of a year both on a professional, personal and family front. The Champ is making big strides in life andto use his own words, ‘ Mama, I am not a baby any more’. I must also mention that your practice has made big strides too by incorporating the learned and always lovely Dr. Mrembo Maoenzi into your practice and having her run the Kenyan chapter.
Dr. Love: True, we are growing . I am truly blessed.Again quite excited to share with the readers of Wacha niKwambie Uzima on insights to do with sexual wellness particularly on creating time for sex and also the sensitive issue of sex addiction.
Kwambie: Over to you dear doc. Perhaps, you could be kind enough by sharing with readers of the blog on what sexual addiction is and what its symptoms are.
Dr. Love:Perhaps, I could beginby sharing with you that there isa raging debate on whether there is truly an addiction of sex and whether it is all about sex. These so called addicts not only crave a lot of sex but have other underlying problems for example stress, anxiety, depression and shame that drive the risky behavior.
Hypersexual disorder is now the term that is frequently used to describe the fixation with sex that some people have.
Now some signs that one may be addicted to sexinclude;
-engaging in more sex and with more partners than intended.
-preoccupied with or persistently craving sex, wanting to cut down and unsuccessfully trying to limit time with sexual activity.
-neglecting other obligations such as work, school, business or other hobbies all in pursuit of sex.
-feeling irritable when unable to engage in the risqué sexual behavior.
-continuing in riskysexual behavior (internet pornography, soliciting sex workers, ceaselessly seeking affairs, masturbating, exposing oneself in public, phone or computer sex, obscene phone calls, child molestation and rape, etc) that may be damaging to other relationships one may have in life.
Kwambie: Wow, wow, let me take in all that.Thank you for that clarification doc,that sexual addiction is now referred to as hypersexual disorder. Why do many people consider sex addiction an addiction?
Dr. Love: Well they do because it presents with common traits with people with other addictions like alcohol and drugs. There is generally an inability to stop indulging in sexual activity and the ‘addicts’ confess feeling shame and pain after indulging in the same.
Normally a crisis occurs when ones partner discovers, someone loses their job or is arrested for soliciting sex in illegal ways.
Kwambie:Ihate to ask this Dr. Love but, but I really have to for purposes of clarity to readersof Wacha niKwambie Uzima.Are there certain people who are predisposed to hypersexual disorder?
Dr. Love: Absolutely. Although both men and women can suffer hypersexual disorder, men are more predisposed to the disorder than women. Also people with certain biochemical imbalances that is neuro transmitters can suffer the disorder. There are also certain medical conditions that damage certain areas of the brain e.g. dementia can make one predisposed to the disorder. Not forgetting hormonal imbalances, geneticsand changes in neural pathways. Also those who suffered abuse during childhood and family dysfunction may have a high propensity to suffering hypersexual disorder.
Kwambie:I read somewhere that hypersexual disorder is a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. It is said to have a negative impact on the sufferer and family members. The writer went on to mention that it may be distress brought about by a pattern of repeated sexual relationships involving a succession of lovers who are experienced by the individual only as a thing to be used.
Dr. Love: Absolutely. Healthy human beings havea strong desire for sex. In fact lack or low interest in sex can indicate a medical problem or psychiatric illness. The good news is that there is hope and treatment for those who suffer from hypersexual disorder.
Kwambie: Kindly, tell us more…….
Dr. Love: One needs to seek professional services from a psychiatrist or mental health expert who will chart the way forward as in management and treatment of all addictions .
The therapeuticmethods used are several:
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy that is teaching addicts to stop sexual thoughtsby thinking about something else and substituting sexual behaviour for something more constructive for example exercise.
Interpersonal therapy where one has a one on one with the mental health specialist and together they deal with emotional baggage, mood disorders and past trauma.
Group Therapy involves the mental health specialist working with six or ten people. Working with other people who suffer from hypersexual disorder encourages one to learn from others, draw strength and hope from them.
Finally, medication can also be used. Antidepressantscan be used to treat mood symptoms common among sex addicts and to reduce sexual obsession.
Dr. Love: Allow me Kwambieto let my partner Dr. Mrembo Mapenzi to take over the reins now and take the readers of Wacha niKwambie Uzima through‘Making time for sex.’
Kwambie: (As Kwambie lets out a chuckle) You know many of my friends found it interesting that this could be a problem. Due to their healthy sexual drives they are making time for the same with their partners but as the wise man said, knowledge is power!
Kwambie:Loving yourmauve trouser suite and the detail on the neckline Dr. Mrembo Mapenzi.
Dr. Mrembo Mapenzi: Thank you Kwambie. I have been following your blog keenly and I also upped my professional dress sense. You look good too in your curly mohawk Kwambie, glad that the hawk did not do away with it.
Dr. Love: Hawk? What hawk?
Dr. Mrembo Mapenzi: Apparently, this past Sunday a hawk almost took off with Kwambie’s curly weave as s he nibbled on some food in her own domestic ‘Blankets and Wine’
(As they all burst into laughter)
Dr. Love: Well, good y for you that your mohawk is still intact!
Dr Mrembo Wapenzi: Now sometimes due to work obligations, stress, fatigue, busy schedules and children more and more couples are not making time for intimate moments with their partners. A healthy sexual relationship is pivotal for the general good health of any romantic relationship. Allow me to share with the readers of Wacha niKwambie Uzima’ on tips on how tomake time for this crucial element of their relationship.
Kwambie: Goright on Dr. Mrembo, on behalf of the readers of Wacha niKwambie UzimaI am busy taking notes.
Dr. Mrembo Mapenzi:Kwambie, are you scheduling time to spend with your partner? Just like all those clients you schedule to see on a day to day basis, you need to schedule time for each other.
Dr. Mrembo: Really, do you communicate when apart? On a daily basis? When you have traveled do you take the time to call, sms, whatsapp each other? It is those embers of intimacy that will keep the fire burning in the bedroom for years to come.
Kwambie: I sincerely hope that you and the readers of Wacha niKwambie Uzima are not the type of people who mix business with leisure, that is mixing the hard stuff with the easy stuff?When you are having intimate moments this is not the time to bring up stressful or intense topics like budgeting for the household for example.
Kwambie:So much to take home,so you mean that there is more to sex than the act itself?
Dr. Mrembo Mapenzi: Absolutely!!! You know especially for those living together, it can take the anticipation out of sex, what us Kenyans call ‘Kuzoeana’ and this inevitably may lead to boredom in matters bedroom. Make your intimate moments sizzle by creating the anticipation; go out for movie dates, cuddle and snuggle together, go out for dates specifically for sex, send the children out for the weekend in order to have the house all to yourself alternatively check in for a weekend with your partner specifically to make out with each other.
Ladies and gentlemen take care of your physical health and appearance so that you can have suave moves in the bedroom, have sufficient sleep and for goodness sake switch off the TVevery once in a while to create those intimate moments, I can assure you that Kenyan news is not coming to an end any time soon.
Kwambie: What if one truly does not have the heart for following through with all those tips that you have shared, what should one do to create time for sex?
Dr. Mrembo Mapenzi:If all fails , and you are not developing romantic feelings for your partner, have an honest conversation with your partner to what could be the root of the problem.
Kwambie: Thank you very much Dr. Love and Dr. Mrembo Mapenzi for the insights shared today. My take home is that sex is a delicate balance, neither too much nor too little. Just enough sexual thoughts and acts to keep our relationships healthy. A sincere thank you once again for sharing your thoughts and expertise on how to make timefor sex and the sensitive issue of sexual addiction.
So there readers of Wacha niKwambie Uzima, bringing a wrap to the week when we focused on making time for sex and the issue of sexual addiction.
Enjoy the rest of this week and keep it here for more on what the blog finds out on sexual wellness in weeks to come in a month dabbed #Operation pepesha moto in a month to keep the July cold at bay.
Kwambie Nyambane is a Sales Force Effectiveness Manager in a leading bank in Kenya 'by day', a passionate inspirational blogger 'by night'; and a wellness enthusiast championing healthy lifestyle choices. The founder and lead writer of this blog is a Bsc. Food Science and Post -Harvest Technology graduate of the Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology, Kenya, holds an MBA in Marketing from the University of Nairobi and is currently pursuing a PhD in Business Administration from the University of Nairobi. Kwambie is a member of Bloggers Association of Kenya. She believes in taking life with a big spoon, seeing the cup always as half full, and enjoying the scenery in this journey called life. Kwambie is daughter to Lilly Moraa and James Nyambane, mother to one beloved son nicknamed "The Champ"; sister to Marci and beloved auntie to the A & Z girls. She and her family make Nairobi City, Kenya their home. This blog is dedicated to her parents Moraa and Nyambane for their awesome inspiration in her formative years, for being her pillar of strength through life, her siblings Marci and Joash, and to her son "The Champ" and her nieces who represent the generation that came after her. May the nuggets contained in this blog serve many generations, the world over to come.