Every month of July, the “Wacha niKwambie” blog endeavours to journey with it is readers in matters of Sexual Wellness a very critical aspect of human health and well being in a campaign dubbed “Operation pepesha moto” (Translation: Operation ignite the fire). Over the past three years the blog has focussed on areas such as the differences between male and female sexuality and finding the middle ground, aspects of how to deal with sexual tension or on the other extreme enddealing with a low libido, the blog has also looked at relationship intimacy a prerequisite for a fulfilling sexual life, sexually transmitted diseases amongst many other things. Just like the other focus areas of the blog, this blog takes as wholesome and healthy approach to sexuality. Though the lead writer of the blog is neither a sexologist nor sexual health expert, the writer is a wellness and inspirational enthusiast and a curious mind. The writings on sexual health are gleanings from her readings which are quoted extensively at the end of every article article.
This month of July 2018 the blog is on “Sexual confidence””
Sexual confidence is knowing your worth, your abilities and what you are bringing with you to the in the bedroom in matters sexual with your partner. That more than anything is the greatest contributor to sexual satisfaction. However, there are several factors that impede our sexual confidence and is what this blog post will dwell on.
Indeed lack of self confidence is also the cause of lack of confidence in matters sexual. If one has a poor self confidence and self esteem, the same is likely to impact on sexual satisfaction matters.
Poor communication with ones sexual partner also leads to lack of confidence in matters bedroom. “If you fear judgment from your sexual partner, perhaps you should reconsider that person as your sexual partner,”, “When choosing to engage in sex with someone you should never feel shame. Sex is the closest you can get with someone and there is never room in the bedroom for judgement.”
Other causes of lack of sexual confidence include lack of sexual information and education. One has to get information and education on the things they wish to get good and confident at.
The media is also another cause of lack of sexual confidence. Some people lack sexual confidence when they compare themselves to people who are considered sexy by media standards – perfect bodies, perfect outfits, perfect careers, youthful etc, forgetting that they too have that beautiful essence to bring to an intimate relationship. You do not have to look or act like Beyonce or Denzel or locally like Miss Kenya or Mr. Kenya or all the celebrities or media stars, or be young for that matter to have a fulfilling and fun sexual relationship with the one that you love.
Negative experiences, hurt and pain from relationships and sexual abuse or assault in the past.area a great cause of lack of sexual confidence. Closely tied to this one is being in a relationship with a wrong partner, if you do not affirm each other sexually and instead put each other down you may be impending each other’s sexual confidence. Wounds of infidelity, being put down by friends and family, abusive, toxic and shameful experiences in life dent ones self confidence and impact on one’s sexual confidence.
Fear of being judged by your sexual partner is yet another cause of lack of sexual confidence. Perhaps there is something that you fantasize about and hope for in a sexual relationship but because of fear of airing your views to your partner you reduce your sexual confidence.
In many cultures across the world, more so our African culture, it is very difficult to discuss sex openly and air our issues. Even to the closest of friends it is very difficult to open up and discuss sexual inadequacies that one is experiencing in life. This lack of openness in discussing matters to do with sexual health is another cause of lack of sexual confidence and is indeed one of the reasons for the existence of this blo.
Not going for what you want and settling for a partner or a sexual life that is wanting in the argument that better a bad sex life than no sex life at all. This over time impacts on ones sexual confidence.
In somewhat a paradox to the previous mentioned point, nott living in the moment and enjoying the present also leads to lack of sexual confidence. So many of us are caught up fantasizing for the perfect body, perfect life, most ideal mate like the ones we see in the media or is it the movies not appreciating and making a beautiful sexual life with the one that we already have.
Not being sensual. Enjoying all the things that make life sweet and beautiful also boost ones sexual confidence. Surprisingly some are totally unrelated to sexual matters but their appreciation boosts ones sexual confidence as ones sensual sexual buds are enhanced e.g. listening to soothing music, appreciating a beautiful painting.
Can you think of other factors that cause lack of sexual confidence that may not have been captured in this article?
We will come back to the discussion on Sexual Confidence next week on how to boost ones sexual confidence.
A Happy weekend ahead to all!
July 2018 – Operation Pepesha Moto 2018 (Translation: Operation ignite the fire 2018)
A focus on Sexual Confidence and Personal Grooming
© Kwambie Nyambane,
The Best Lifestyle Blog Kenya – BAKE Awards 2018 nominee
Couture Africa Fashion, Beauty and Style Magazine March 2018 issue
Easy Ways To Be More Sexually Confident, According To A Sexologist by Kristine Fellizar
Five Reasons Why Most People Lack Sexual Confidence Amy J. Goddard