Life must go on – soaring after loss in life

I recently lost my father and I took some time out to hibernate into my own thoughts, to count my losses, weep and mourn, recoup my losses and seek the way forward. I have finally gathered the strength to blog about my experience. You see I have always been Daddy’s girl, there is nothing that I held back from my father, NOTHING at all. More than a father he was my best friend and this by far has been the most devastating loss in my life. Well the tears still flow freely, but one thing I realize that even within this short duration of time, the pain does get less with time; take it one day at a time.

As one favourite TV shows   back in the day  used to say, “Like sand in the hour glass, so are the days of our lives.” Savour every moment with your loved ones, hold them dear. Do not postpone the good for tomorrow what you can do.

Enter this spiritual and emotional wellness journey this month of September 2018 as a healing journey and inspiration   for those who are experiencing any form of loss in their lives, “Life must go on”. Hope springs eternal. As long as we have life and breathe, that is reason enough to keep on with this journey and fulfil our purpose in this planet.

According to the website www.griefrecoverymethod.com grief is defined as “Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behaviour.”

The website goes on to give a hierarchy of some of the events in life that may cause one to grieve. Marriage though a happy occasion to many for example, may cause some to grieve because of a change in lifestyle.

Worth noting is that divorce ranks quite highly even more than the death of a close family member.

The website alludes to the Holmes – Rahe Stress Scale created by psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe that details the 43 life events that are most liable to create feelings of grief, and in turn cause illness and other health-related problems.

Though a hierarchy of losses has been developed by statistics it is important to note that the impact of a loss varies from one individual to another depending on how great  the person or the thing that they lost was held dear. For this reason, though the death of a spouse ranks as number one in the hierarchy of losses, to someone who had a bad relationship with a spouse, may find the death of a child even deeper.

These are the forty three top most life events that are likely to cause one to grieve;

• Death of a spouse
• Divorce
• Marital separation
• Imprisonment
• Death of a close family member
• Personal injury or illness
• Marriage
• Dismissal from work
• Marital reconciliation
• Retirement
• Change in working hours or conditions
• Change in residence
• Change in schools
• Change in recreation
• Change in church activities
• Change in health of family member
• Pregnancy
• Sexual difficulties
• Gain a new family member
• Business readjustment
• Change in financial state
• Death of a close friend
• Change to different line of work
• Change in frequency of arguments
• Major mortgage
• Change in social activities
• Minor mortgage or loan
• Change in sleeping habits
• Change in number of family reunions
• Foreclosure of mortgage or loan
• Change in responsibilities at work
• Child leaving home
• Trouble with in-laws
• Outstanding personal achievement
• Spouse starts or stops work
• Begin or end school
• Change in living conditions
• Revision of personal habits
• Trouble with boss
• Change in eating habits
• Vacation
• Christmas
• Minor violation of law
• Loss of Trust, Loss of Approval, Loss of Safety and Loss of Control of my body.

This month we will  endeavour to go through some of the top losses in life and see how one can cope and  go through them.

Keep it here!

Kwambie Nyambane,
Lead Writer and Founder,
www.wachanikwambie.com
The Best Lifestyle Blogger Kenya – BAKE Awards 2018 Nominee

September 2018

DISCLAIMER: The thoughts contained in this article are obtained from research. The writer is not a mental health specialist but is curious to learn on how to deal with personal loss and grief. The series “Life must go on” is a spiritual and emotional wellness journey in this month of September 2018 by the lead writer and a guest contributor to the blog. For professional help in coping with loss and grief please seek the help of an accredited and duly registered mental health specialist or counsellor.

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