Strengthening the adult sibling bond

Focus on the positive traits of your sibling. Everyone no matter how bad they may seem to you has something good about them. How much more your sibling. Meet your sibling where they are and appreciate them for who they are no matter their success or failures, no matter their great choices or mistakes in life they are still your siblings whether successful or destitute. No judging. No trying to correct their "life mistakes" for them. Give them unconditional love.

Begin a group online chat group for family/siblings with ground rules, where you update each other on our lives or engage on matters that you have mutual interests in.

Let go of old grudges that are holding you back. Perhaps your parents were always comparing you to your sibling and you could never match up, making you feel resentful to date even as an adult. Perhaps your sibling constantly taunted you and put you down, perhaps you feel that your siblings could have done better with their lives looking at the opportunities they were given in the past you find them a source of embarrassment and harbour bitterness inside to date. The past is gone forever, we have today to live that is why it is called the present. Forgive. Move on from the past.

Avoid getting into birth order roles as adults and even try to readjust to become a different person. If say you have been the babied last born or stereotypical bossy first born, and this may have caused some hurt and pain to your siblings in the past you may need to ask them for forgiveness and reassure them that you are making an effort to change.

Get to know and appreciate your nieces and nephews. Your siblings' children are their most worthy "possessions" so to speak, spend more time with them, celebrate with them in their successes and hold their hand in their most challenging times.

If you are a person of faith; intercede and pray for your siblings and their families, every day.

TIME IS THE ONLY LUXURY THAT WE HAVE
Despite our tiffs, one of the most amazing things happened during the last few months of my brother's life. He would make random unannounced visits at my nest, just because he felt that he needed to see me. One or two times I would come from work and find him with my son or sometimes as he finished his day's duties he would join us for dinner and plug in with us. We would then take a walk to the main gate to escort him and talk some more as he lived nearby. At times he would make a random phone call at just about lunch time during the week day to ask me how my new gig was going on and I would confide in him about my new experiences.

The greatest memories that I have of my brother have to do with time. Despite our busy schedules and numerous obligations, time is indeed the only luxury that we have with our siblings. There are also instances where we even are willing to give more time to friends, colleagues and connections that make us feel or look good over a humble brother or a sister that we share a common heritage with. I find that a bit sad.

These are some of the ways that we can make time for our siblings;

1. Share their pain on an especially rough day.
2. Remind them of how beautiful or handsome they are.
3. Free up their time and offer to baby sit their children.
4. Even when your own schedule is busy make time for your siblings.
5. Help them forget their bad anniversaries e.g. the day they got divorced or lost a child.
6. Give them their favourite treats.
7. Boost their self -esteem. Congratulate them and celebrate with them on a milestone in their life.
8. Stop over for dinner for no random reason
9. Pull your personal weight and take time to care for aging parents and other mutual family obligations.
10. Send a random text during the day.
11. Take them out for their favourite treats.
12. Push them to do better if you see that they are not utilizing their potential in life.
13. Share your networks with them that could contribute to their professional or business growth. Invite them to join you for networking forums.
14. Give them a phone call today.

Can you think of other ways that one can make time for their siblings that we may have left out?

“Wacha niKwambie”
September 2019 – Family is forever
A focus on siblings
© Kwambie Nyambane,
September 2019

My sojourn at Kisii County, Kenya is about to come to an end, it has been a resourceful and rejuvenating time. This visit was time taken out for my brother. I love you bro until the ned of time.