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Loving me, loving you – Single by choice

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This month of February 2020 we are going against the grain in relationships month and have dedicated it to the Singleton. We at Wacha niKwambie blog believe that life should be lived
to its fullest irrespective of ones relationship status. People may be single by choice or by circumstance. There are several reasons why people are single by choice, some are positive and yet others are negative.

Positive reasons why “I am single” by choice
Some people simply have not met the right person and they do not want to be pushed to settle just to tick some boxes or conform to societal and family pressure. Yet others are naturally drawn to being single and know that they would make terrible partners in a marriage or a relationship for that matter. Others have taken the time off to grow other areas in their lives that is personal growth before committing to a relationship.

Some want full control over their lives and finances.

Others are happy alone as they grow their personal happy because they know that if they cannot be happy alone, being in a relationship in itself would not make them happy.

Others having failed in a prior relationship are taking the time to rediscover themselves before going on to another relationship. As they say once bitten, twice shy.

Others indeed confess that they are not ready just yet to make the emotional and time commitment to nurturing a relationship e.g. going out for dates, phone calls, sending each other romantic texts , etc for example those healing from the death, or divorce or even separation from a spouse or even break up from a relationship.

Others especially those with children from a previous relationship feel compelled to focus on raising their children alone first before committing to a relationship.

Others have committed their lives to religious service and some have even gone further to take vows of celibacy.

So next time you meet a single person no judging now, there are indeed positive reasons why many are single by choice. Not every single person wants to be coupled up at least not just
yet.

However, there are negative reasons that hold others back from being in a relationship for those who wish to be in a committed and loving relationship.

Negative reasons why “I could be single” by choice
Possibly one has built defences around themselves that they fear being in a relationship. Making it hard for someone who is interested in them to approach them for a relationship.

Others, over time find themselves in unhealthy relationships that discourage them from beingin any more relationships in future.

The fear of intimacy is real for others. Being in a relationship entails one being vulnerable to another human being, for the fear of this many would rather be single.

Setting very high standards and being very picky when choosing a partner. Sometimes good people who are genuinely interested in someone are let go off because they do not meet ALL the criteria set by one. One should be open minded and give a brother or a sister a chance if they meet the key criteria.

Fear of competition and rejection. Dating in essence is a competition where we all go for whom we are attracted to. Thing is if you are attracted to someone, someone else is also attracted to them so the fear of losing to this other person makes others not to dare. Same old life, same old routine and isolating oneself hinders others from meeting potential partners. Assuming all that one does is wake up, go to work, go back to their house in the evening, where will one meet a diverse potential of people to date one wonders?

Low self esteem. Yet others feel that they are not attractive enough to have a partner and hammer negative self talk and thoughts to themselves. A low self esteem sets one into a vicious cycle, if one does not feel worthy, they neglect themselves whether physically, emotionally, socially, financially and spiritually and this ends up making one truly unattractive to others.

Not following your heart. Unfortunately for others, their lives are controlled by others to an extent that they fear approaching someone that they are attracted to because of what others will think of them and instead settle for a life of singlehood instead.

So there in a nutshell are some positive and negative reasons why people are single by choice today. Some are indeed very noble reasons. So no more judging now when someone tells you that they are single some could be by circumstance e.g. death, divorce or separation from a spouse or partner, some could be by choice and some may be inherent negative attitudes to relationships that one may not be aware of.

“Living life to the fullest and Dating for singletons?” is our next stop for next week. Happy
New Week!
“Wacha niKwambie”
February 2020 – Loving me, Loving you
On singlehood
#relationshipsmonth

Kwambie Nyambane
Kwambie Nyambane
Kwambie Nyambane is a Sales Force Effectiveness Manager in a leading bank in Kenya ‘by ', a passionate inspirational blogger 'by night'; and a wellness enthusiast championing healthy lifestyle choices. The founder and lead writer of this blog is a Bsc. Food Science and Post -Harvest Technology graduate of the Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology, Kenya, holds an MBA in Marketing from the University of Nairobi and is currently pursuing a PhD in Business Administration from the University of Nairobi. Kwambie is a member of Bloggers Association of Kenya. She believes in taking life with a big spoon, seeing the cup always as half full, and enjoying the scenery in this journey called life. Kwambie is mother to one beloved son nicknamed "The Champ";, sister to Marci and beloved auntie to the A & Z girls. She and her family make Nairobi City, Kenya their home. This blog is dedicated to her parents Moraa and Nyambane for their awesome inspiration in her formative years, for being her pillar of strength through life, her siblings Marci and Joash, and to her son "The Champ" and her nieces who represent the generation that came after her. May the nuggets contained in this blog serve many generations, the world over to come.

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