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To new beginnings – budding love of single parenthood

Some red flags for dating single parents
27th February 2021
Of re(new)ed parenthood – pregnancy journey – check points
11th March 2021

By statistics by far majority of single parents are women. This can be attributed to several situations: a child(ren) from a relationship that just did not work out, separation, divorce and widowhood. Also more and more, many women are these days intentionally beginning families as single women.

Why are some single parents hesitant to move on to date and move on to new relationships:

  1. Too busy. Between a career or a business, hustling for one’s children, rearing children and other demands of life, they find insufficient time to date
  2. Past hurts and disappointment from previous relationships.
  3. A sense of guilt pursuing one’s own happiness where one’s children are not directly involved.
  4. The assumption that no one would want to date someone with children. (This stigma sadly applies mostly to the fairer gender.)

As a single parent one can easily forget that one is an individual with emotional needs and wants that are separate from ones children and that cannot be met by the love that one has for one’s children.

Some tips to Single parents who wish to move on with their romantic lives Once I choose to stop burying my head in the sands of “victim” ( ‘he/she did this to me – those pity parties can sometimes feel so consoling) and decide to take charge of my life then good things will begin happening in my life again as a single parent and that includes my romantic life.

If I am feeling overwhelmed or stressed by my obligations as a single parent then what I need to do first is to ask for help from the other parent of my children if possible, seek help from family or friends, get a better nanny, seek better sources of finance, empower myself first as a single parent rather than look for a new partner. If however I crave for someone to create and share experiences of life with then by all means I will seek a
good partner.

To be a good parent I must be in a state of mental wellbeing and happiness. If having someone good in my life makes me happy then by all means I will pursue a relationship.

My children’s happiness is hinged on my own happiness as a parent and I cannot give of what I do not have. I will have my list of values and the type of person that I would like to date. As soon as I find someone who fancies me too, I will make time and I will begin going out on dates.

“Get to know each other” so to speak. As we get to know each other, the friendship may progress or we may just decide to remain as general friends. At some point as the relationship matures we may decide for some level of exclusivity – “that is my boyfriend or my girlfriend”, with time this may grow to permanence “that is my partner/spouse”.

This is expected and it does not matter how old I am or whether I have children or not. The only difference between dating and relationships when you have child(ren) is that previously as a non parent you only had your best fit as an individual in mind, when you have child(ren) you also have to think of whether this person will have the best interest of your child(ren)at heart too and that your new love life should not in any way be detrimental to your child.

This marks the end of the February in the blog where we focussed on To New Beginnings – On Budding love with a special segment dedicated to the single parent who wishes to get their romantic groove back on

Wishing you all love and happiness, that lasts beyond February into all the months of the year.

Kwambie Nyambane
Kwambie Nyambane
Kwambie Nyambane is a Sales Force Effectiveness Manager in a leading bank in Kenya 'by day', a passionate inspirational blogger 'by night'; and a wellness enthusiast championing healthy lifestyle choices. The founder and lead writer of this blog is a Bsc. Food Science and Post -Harvest Technology graduate of the Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology, Kenya, holds an MBA in Marketing from the University of Nairobi and is currently pursuing a PhD in Business Administration from the University of Nairobi. Kwambie is a member of Bloggers Association of Kenya. She believes in taking life with a big spoon, seeing the cup always as half full, and enjoying the scenery in this journey called life. Kwambie is daughter to Lilly Moraa and James Nyambane, mother to one beloved son nicknamed "The Champ"; sister to Marci and beloved auntie to the A & Z girls. She and her family make Nairobi City, Kenya their home. This blog is dedicated to her parents Moraa and Nyambane for their awesome inspiration in her formative years, for being her pillar of strength through life, her siblings Marci and Joash, and to her son "The Champ" and her nieces who represent the generation that came after her. May the nuggets contained in this blog serve many generations, the world over to come.

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