Dr. Love and The Wapenzis – on differences in sex between men and women and how to build intimacy.

17th July 2015

It has been exactly one week since we buried common myths about sex. Dr. Love, the sex expert  kept his promise and true to his word is now in the studio with us. Today, he is accompanied by a couple who were once his clients  Sifa and Baraka Wapenzi (The Wapenzis)  who will narrate to us  their experience from a point of tumultuous times in their bedroom to the point  that they amicably settled or is it knew their differences and are now champion lovers.

Kwambie: Welcome to the studio Dr. Love and a special welcome to the Wapenzis who have been brave and generous enough to share their sex story, which to be honest is not very common in our community especially on matters sexual.

Dr. Love:(nods and smiles in affirmation) Thank you Kwambie.

Baraka Wapenzi: Thank you Kwambie.

Sifa Wapenzi: Thank you Kwambie. I am an ardent follower of ‘Wacha niKwambie Uzima’ blog and your facebook posts on ‘My Kwambie Style’. Girl, you have style and I love the way you are rocking the colour purple today. Kweli ‘mwanamke ni effort’ (Translations: True, a woman must make  effort).

Kwambie: I am humbled. Thank you. Perhaps I should begin by mentioning that you two look good  together and would wish to allow you at this point to share your sex story.

Baraka Wapenzi :I will let Sifa take it first.

Sifa Wapenzi:Thanks, Honey. Well where do I begin? We met a few months after I completed my college diploma in a city college right here in Nairobi. It was a whirlwind romance so to speak. I mean, what was there not to fall in love with Baraka? He was a go getter, ambitious, intelligent, tall, dark and handsome, just my perfect fit so to speak. Before I knew it, he had proposed and well we begun our life as man and wife. Being a staunch member of the Christian Union  in my college, I had ‘kept myself for him so  to  speak if you know what I mean?(As Sifa smiles coyly).

Baraka Wapenzi: So you can imagine my excitement, for the first  time to make love to the love of my life. But sadly things did not work out as it were. Somehow, she was very livid in bed. Claiming that the sexual act which was meant to enhance our union was disgusting.

Sifa Wapenzi: You got that right, Honey. I kept on wondering what monster I had married. This beast, never got enough of sex.. Just the bare sight of my naked body would turn him into this sex pest I could not get along with. He threw all romance into the back burner, with minimal emotional endearments to get our sex life aglowing. It was at this point that we shared our tribulation to a good couple friend of ours, and who in turn  introduced us to Dr. Love who highlighted to us the differences in sex across the genders and also shared with us various ways that we could enhance our intimacy.

Baraka Wapenzi: That is right Babe, I wonder where our sex life would be if at all it would still exist had not  Dr. Love intervened? We truly owe you many daktari

Dr. Love: Seeing where the two of you came from and where your sex life is today is ‘Thank You’  enough for me.

So allow me Kwambie if you may  at this point to  highlight to the dear readers of ‘Wacha niKwambie Uzima’ the key differences in sex amongst the genders.

Kwambie: Alright Dr. Love, as usual I am here taking notes and I am sure our audience is too.

driven by the physical and women by the emotional.For that reason I would urge all women , ‘wasijiachilie’ ( Translation: should not let themselves go), it is  imperative that they maintain their physical looks including what attracted their mates to them.On the other hand, our men have to be very keen and be romantic, understanding to their partners, offering them occasional treats and endearments every once in a while for the women in their lives  to feel valued. Very many female clients  of mine have complained of how dehumanizing it feels to offer sex to a man without the usual charming and endearments along the way.

Also, men thrive on admiration, respect and recognition. So ladies, if at all you put your men down be it in private or public, this is a key turn off for men.

Kwambie: Wow, this is quite insightful. So what you are trying to say is that once we understand our differences then we can fulfill each other’s needs?

Dr. Love: Exactly Kwambie.

Dr. Love: Other key differences is that whilst the female sexual drive is cyclical and slow..for men, they get quickly excited and aroused and are acyclical. So it is critical that our men take it a bit slow to satisfy the ladies in their life for mutual satisfaction… and if possible take advantage of their sexual peak days on a lighter note.

Dr. Love : Yet another key difference among the genders is that the male has a point of no return in clinical terms referred to as the ‘ejaculatory threshhold’, all men must climax to feel satisfied this is not always necessarily true for women.

Kwambie: Is it true that men generally think more about sex than women, or is that a myth too?

Dr. Love: That is absolutely correct, with the average man thinking about it once in a day and avidly seeking it than the average women. Also worth noting is that women’s drives are influenced by social and cultural factors…and this I must admit was the case of Sifa. Ladies you need to lose your cultural inhibitions and live and let live in the bedroom. Studies have shown time and time again that men have the same perceptions towards sex irrespective of geographical or cultural location. Hence the saying, ‘a man is a man is a man’, I suppose.

Finally, women’s sexual turn ons are more complicated than those of men… with several factors coming into play.. their emotional status, the location, their perception of the man and several other reasons as unique as the woman..but for our brothers more often than not unless other prevailing factors exist, which we will discuss next week are easily turned on irrespective of the location.

Kwambie: (Averts her gaze to the Wapenzis) Is this true what Dr. Love is saying?

Sifa Wapenzi: Absolutely: Were it not true , we would not be here today.

Dr. Love: Over time, this great Kenyan couple came to know their sexual language and came to learn how  to meet their respective mate’s needs. Allow me to let them share their story on intimacy.

Baraka Wapenzi: Over time the initial sexual fireworks waned but we realized that we were still attracted to each other more like the slow fire embers of a jiko ( Translation:cooker). We came to learn that there were various non sexual ways that still made our relationship and that made our life sizzle. Babe kindly share with the readers of  ‘Wacha niKwambie Uzima’

Sifa Wapenzi: Alright. We realized that it was all about honesty,

communication and vulnerability. Sharing life’s simple pleasures together like taking walks in the moonlight, having date nights, cooking together, watching late night movies together, sending each other ‘hot’ sms, complimenting each other when we thought the other looked good and so on.

Baraka Wapenzi : Sifa even made our bedroom a sex nest and in last year’s Tile and Carpet sale invested in new sheets and curtains, changed the whole colour scheme…my goodness our bedroom looks like a love den in those high end hotels…the presidential suite at  Villa Rosa Kempinsky comes to mind.

We keep on trying new stuff together; whether it is a hobby, game or past time. I am  teaching  her how to play golf in our weekend get aways.Truth be told that is why, I will keep on asking her for more if you know what I mean. It is beyond the physical and we have that rare connection.

Kwambie: Again, on behalf of the readers  of ‘Wacha niKwambie Uzima; we have truly gained  from this session and on behalf of my readers we will try and incorporaate the  knowledge gained in our bedrooms starting tonight. Thank you once again Dr. Love, Sifa and Baraka Wapenzi for sharing.<

Kwambie: To all the readers, thank  you for reading and to our Muslim brothers and sisters Eid Mubarak and a fantastic weekend to all.

Adapted from:

10 Ways to become more intimate with your lover