‘True Love does not hurt all the time – on toxic romantic relationships’ a moment with The Wapenzis

‘True Love does not hurt all the time – on toxic romantic relationships’ a moment with The Wapenzis

This Sunday afternoon, Kwambie meets The Wapenzis  at a popular food joint in Nairobi, the  Nairobi Java  House in one of the upcoming shopping malls for a one on one on one of their darkest periods in their relationship  and how they rose through the ashes to salvage an otherwise toxic relationship.
Kwambie:Hello,  I cannot believe that it has been almost two months since we last met?
Sifa Wapenzi:Yes Kwambie. One wonders where the year is flying to?
Baraka Wapenzi: Feels like just the other day when we were talking about Sexual Wellness. 
Kwambie:And you all know, that since then we have dwelt on matters food. Green tea on me today by the way ! Sawa?
Sifa and Baraka Wapenzi: Sawa!
Kwambie: So this past week Wacha niKwambie Uzima focused on Toxic Romantic Relationships and I thought what better couple to invite to the studio other than The Wapenzis when I reminisced on the story you candidly shared with me a few years ago and I wish for you to share with the readersof Wacha niKwambie Uzima today.
Sifa and Baraka Wapenzi: Thank you.
Baraka Wapenzi:Well where do begin? Like all dating couples we were very excited about our newly found love, and imagined a brilliant future together. We went for movie dates together, spent quality time getting to know each other, our interests and all and what made each other tick. But slowly I realized that what I had hoped to be a fulfilling relationship was leaving me feeling drained. Somehow, anything I did was never good enough for Sifa. 

I remember once buying her flowers for Valentine’s Day, bravely walking through this Nairobi, only   for her to hurl them back at me, saying that the least she expected from me was a weekend  trip to the Maasai Mara. Somehow, our relationship seemed to revolve around her with my opinion never counting even in as matters simple as what we were to order from Steers in our dates. I slowly became resentful and found myself not enjoying moments with Sifa and looking forward to moments on my own. As I mentioned before, the relationship had become draining. Slowly, I found myself morphing, slowly transforming into someone I could barely recognize in a bid to make Sifa happy. Thing is I reached tipping point when my career suddenly shot upwards. Sifa became aloof and cold towards me, it was  as if I could not grow or change if I was to make Sifa happy. I was meant to stagnate and remain where I was.

Sifa: I remember all so well. Because of my low self esteem it had began taking a toll in our relationship making it what experts would describe as a Toxic Relationship. This unhealthy part of our relationship I can only blame on myself. I had neglected myself, my personal appearance was deteriorating by the day. At work, my career was plummeting because I had began to rebel against authority and was not following through projects that I had committed to. I had lost touch with myself and was not aware of my feelings and had no opinion to call my own on several matters. Because of my perceived failures, I took pleasure in belittling Baraka.

Kwambie: Wow! All that in the name of Love.
Baraka Wapenzi:  I took a step further to reevaluate our relationship and realized that though some form of conflict was evident in many a healthy relationship, I was in a Toxic Relationship and if I did not do anything about it soon, I would soon be a victim of stress, anxiety, depression and even diseases like hypertension and cardiac arrest. I realized that though pain was common in every relationship ‘True Love does not hurt all the time.’

Kwambie: Profound!

Sifa Wapenzi:So we sought the help of a trusted counselor who advised us that the first step was to recognize that ours had become a toxic relationship and that inherently both of us desired to be in a relationship of respect, love and compassion. This was especially so when the relationship had deteriorated to me being the recipient of physical  abuse from the person that I trusted the most in the universe – Baraka when my verbal abuse had become one word too many for him he retaliated with blows and slaps.

Baraka Wapenzi:We called for a time out and separated for thirty days without any physical connection for us to reevaluate the status of our relationship.
Sifa Wapenzi: After the thirty days had elapsed we met  at a neutral private location and decided to seek professional help. Because really in the depths of our heart we really loved each other and felt that we had something good going on to save. And that is why we are here today. 
Kwambie:Amazing, that your relationship was salvaged from destruction because several toxic relationships are unsalvageable and for the best benefit of the partners and children if any, permanent separation may be the best option.
Baraka Wapenzi:Absolutely. And I have had some of my friends seek permanent separation. In which case I would advise them to be amicable and mature about it if possible. Social media should be the last place for a couple to air its shenanigans. Be brave enough  to face each other and be open and honest for the reason for separation. Apologize for any  pain that you may have caused and end any physical interaction unless coparenting which may be inevitable.
Kwambie:Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Wapenzi for your candour. I am sure that what we have discussed today will be of benefit to several couples who are held captive in Toxic Relationships. And to the readers of Wacha niKwambie Uzima here is to a lifetime of toxic free romantic  relationships and thank you for reading the article!
One love.

(As Kwambie continues on some lively banter with The Wapenzis over copious amounts of green tea)

Kwambie Nyambane,
September 2015.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship/ http://www.healthyromanticrelationships.com/Product-Information/toxic-love
http://madamenoire.com/539665/public-breakups-social-media/ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/18/how-to-break-up_n_1662647.html