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Dealing with a breakup


It is over. I can’t believe that it is over between Tim and I. I mean, Tim and I have been going steady all through campus, he has been my only boyfie since first year- only to discover that he had another girl friend in K.U. since third year.

So I am here asking myself, “Ain’t I good enough?” Seriously, I am not the shao that joined campus from Nyakemincha Elite Mixed Day – my shopping escapades with my girl friend at Toi Market and Giks sorted that out. I have been cooking for him in my room, am sure he forgot how food from the dining hall or student mess for that matter tastes like.

Apart from the two sups I got in first year, I have sailed through. I am not a dumb blonde. I am brains and beauty. I am so haaawt – 25 is a good age to be my chicas. Studying together. Hanging out together every weekend. So how could he do this to me? After being katiwad by all the other jamaas in campo and all those potential working “sponsors”, I chose him. We were meant to start a bizna together, get married, make beautiful babies together, continue having sweet shag together for the rest of our lives.

Shag you ask? Sorry I can’t give you details about that, Mum and Dad would kill me.

I HATE MEN!!!!!!!!!

What big sister Kwambie says
I guess the end of a romantic relationship is one of the most disastrous things that can happen to a twenty five year old, because it happened to me at around the same age. You feel like your world has come to an end. Your self esteem crushed. Am I not attractive enough? Brilliant enough? Beautiful enough? If your boo has found another girl friend or boy friend you may become fixated with comparing yourself with him or her. Relationship break ups or rejection is not the end of the world, neither does it mean that if you cannot have him or her neither should anyone else. Instead, seek positive steps to move on with your life.
Cry, mourn, weep as much as you can. Take some time to reflect on what you have lost.

Speak to a trusted family or friend about the break up and how it makes you feel. Spend time with people who support, value, and energize you. Engage in fun and wholesome activities that you enjoy. Treat yourself. Get into new activities where you will meet new people – a youth group, a course, etc.

A relationship break up is not the end of the world as I learned. If that person found you attractive once does not mean that you are not attractive to someone else. People change, relationships change. Keep building you and the things you love and one day your love life will align itself again. One thing you should remember as you try to find your bearing again is that you are a complete person on your own, relationships do not complete you but rather compliment you.

It is good to be honest with yourself and see how you contributed to the relationship break up as love and romantic relationships are a two way street. Take the learnings and run with them in your next relationship. Keep looking haawt, dress that body well even if it feels like it is just for yourself. Embark on things that you enjoy. Be resilient. Have a positive and cheerful countenance that life will bounce back -that in itself is a very attractive feature to have.
Do not be tempted to get into a romantic relationship immediately after a break up. Rebound relationships are those that we get into soon after a break up, most of the time they are a form of affirmation to oneself that I still have it. Unfortunately, many turn ugly as you may not really be into the person but they are just in your life at a convenient time for affirmation and one may settle for any body out of desperation and the other party will feel used.
By all means do not resort to drugs or alcohol or food for that matter to seek some comfort or solace. Get some positive way of releasing stress e.g, keeping a journal, coffee date with a friend, working out, listening to soothing music, outings with friends.

If some stories are going around about you and your ex in social circles, if there are lies it is good to set the record straight for those that matter. If they are just unfounded rumors ignore them and carry on with your life. Not everyone deserves an explanation as to why you broke up. People will talk until they are tired. Keep your head up high. Keep a distance from your ex to heal. Unfriend them on social media for example so that you are not tempted to keep on following their life.

And by all means never speak badly about your ex. No this does not mean you have to be friendly and lovey lovey like nothing happened with your ex, the break up hurt you for crying out loud. On the other hand do not be out right rude and obnoxious if you bump into your ex, just treat him/her with the normal dignity you would accord another human being. Be civil about it. You chose each other to begin with, you shared some good memories that still counts for something. Take the time to heal. What does not break you only makes you stronger. And one day you will soon discover that you are whole again, ready for a new relationship. A new love will emerge.

If you feel like things are not looking up and dark consuming thoughts of hurting yourself or the other person come into mind, seek professional counselling and help immediately! A relationship break up and romantic rejection is not the end of life. This you can take to the dance floor says big sis Kwambie.

Can you think of other tips of how to deal with a break up or romantic rejection?

A lovely Thursday to all.

“Wacha niKwambie”
May 2019 – 25 is a good age to be
© Kwambie Nyambane,
May 2019
Introducing a new focus area, a blast from the past for some of us, but the current reality for many of us. Where “Wacha niKwambie” blog will walk through with our youthful readers, as one young Kenyan lady Mamasita shares with us her current situations. You count too!