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Loving me, loving you – Myths on being single

This month ‘Wacha niKwambie’ blog, Kenya has put into the spotlight singlehood relationship status during this month of love. We are not putting down the institution of marriage in any way, but instead we are restoring the dignity of being single whether by choice or by circumstance and showing that single people contrary to popular belief experience love and can live a happy and fulfilled life too.

Whether it is by choice or by circumstances, being single is one relationship status that has been ostracized by many. With Valentine’s Day barely a week away many are under a lot of pressure to put up appearances by all means possible of being in a relationship, mainly because of myths that society has had us believe over the ages about being single. Whether one is comfortable in ones single relationship status or actively searching for romantic love, question is – does one feel good in their own skin irrespective of their relationship status? That is where we are at this February.

There are several myths on single relationship status that are doing the rounds today. One myth that is circulating around is that you are incomplete as a single person. Whether you choose
to be in a relationship or not, being in a relationship does not complete one or define one as a human being, but should add to one’s life. Yet another myth is that the only thing in single people’s mind is how to get a partner. It is assumed that that is all single people think about. For healthy single people, they have a lot going on in their lives and their lives do not primarily revolve on how to get a partner, they are so involved in their lives, building themselves, contributing to society and yet giving time for dating if they want to be in a long term relationship.

Yet another myth is that all single people are miserable and lonely. Well this could be true for some single people whose happiness is pegged on being with a partner but is also true for coupled people who are in toxic relationships. This could not be further from the truth for people who feel complete in themselves; several single people are happy with their relationship status and have their lives going on for them, creating their own happy whether or not someone else plugs into their happy. Indeed some single people are finally happy after breaking free from toxic relationships of the past Yet another myth is that single people are selfish as life only revolves around them. There are several single people whose lives are invested in family, friends, colleagues, society and indeed the world at large.

Consider this myth too that single people are promiscuous.
Some people assume that just because someone is single, they are giving “it” to everyone and anyone out of desperation or because they are not in a permanent relationship. Whom to relate with sexually has more to do with personal values than ones relationship status. Single people are irresponsible is yet another myth. Several single people are pulling their weight in their respective families, raising and educating children, taking care of elderly parents , chipping in in family obligations, building great careers and businesses, contributing to society at large in awesome ways.

If you are a single woman it is possible that at some point someone has told you that your eggs will dry up. Say what? This has gotten us here at Wacha niKwambie blog laughing. Ovulation has nothing to do with a woman’s relationship status.

Children from single parent homes are doomed in life is yet another myth revolving around singlehood.Some of the greatest individuals hail from single parent homes. A child would rather be brought up in a single parent home of peace than one where parents are fighting and where there is discord every day. Good parenthood has nothing to do with marital or relationship status, a good parent is a good parent whether single or married. A good home is a good home whether from a single parent or married parents home. Yes the ideal scenario in rearing children, is two caring, loving and married parents bringing up a child but that is not possible for everyone. Parents to a child do not necessarily have to be married to each other to be good parents to a child and hence contribute to their success.

Single people will grow old and die lonely is another myth. Investing in people and loving people and family goes beyond ones relationship status and those are the people who will care about you for the rest of your life.

Closely related to singlehood are certain myths about marriage which include being married is better for your finances and your mind. It is not absolute that being married puts you at a better financial position and a state of emotional health than someone who is single, indeed there are marriages that take from someone financially and emotionally than they would that of a person who is single.

Closely related to this myth is that married people are happier and healthier than single people – this is not necessarily true. The choice to be happy and healthy is a personal decision that one can make for themselves irrespective of ones marital status.

To those who believe in a Higher Power there are those who claim that marriage is God’s highest calling yet from a Christian perspective it clearly indicates in the Holy Scriptures that there are those whose personal calling is a life of singlehood.

I truly hoped that through this blog post we have debunked myths to do with single people. Next week we explore the different circumstances in life that may necessitate a single relationship status and challenges that single people face as we transition to celebrating being singlehood , dating and sexual intimacy for the Singletons.

“Loving me, loving you.” – Debunking myths on singlehood.
“Wacha niKwambie”
February 2020 – Loving me, loving you
© Kwambie Nyambane,